I always get hurt. Other people come out unscathed, and I end up crying. I should gaurd myself, I know I should. But emotions and temptations lead me away from that. They direct me towards the paths that I realize are danderous. And no matter how many times it happens, I still believe the risk might be worth it.
I should've listen to Carly when she advised me "Never kiss one of your straight friends. It will end badly".
And yeah, carls was right. It had a shitty ending.
But dude, the thing is... CHURCH IS BULLSHIT. k,thanks.
Seriously. I believe that God loves you no matter what. After all, you are one of his children. He doesn't care if you are lesbian, bi, or gay. God wants you to be happy. So for all the people that say marriage is between a man and a woman... fuck you.
Oh, and Bipolar is a real disorder. Praying doesn't make it go away. I know this, because I live with this hellish condition. And my meds aren't doing the trick at the moment. You have no idea how badly I would just like to be numb. Incapable of feeling pain. Emotionless. Stoic.
Good grief, I'm unhappy. And I can't even get my thoughts out in therapy or to my psychiatrist.
I freeze up and have no idea what to say. It's the bane of my existance. That is, if I really do exist. I want this to be a dream. For every good thing there is, there are twice as many bad ones.
I need help, i really do. Xanax or something. I'm typing incredibly well, considering the manic state that I'm in.
Not to sound like everybody else in the world, but fuck my life. Now I'm going to drown my sorrows in a bottle chenin blanc and hope I forget this unfortunate event by morning.
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